I want it my way, dammit

HM: A very icky problem. Freedom. I need space, lots of it, to the point of paranoia. I hate being told what to do. I guess, for that matter, every man hates it. But, I won't cave in, I shall be brave and stand up. Take a simple case of what to wear. Women for some reason cannot stand men wearing what they wish. It started with my mother; she hated my clothes. If I let her, she would have happily made a bonfire out of them. Family outings normally start out with arguments between my mum and me about what I was wearing; of all things to fight about!! Now its my girlfriend. She won't come out if my clothes don't suit her tastes. Seriously, I'm beginning to feel like a middle-eastern girl here. Though it appears trivial, it is suffocating to be held back in things you would normally do. Adjusting and factoring another person is part of the commitment, but to what extent really? Alright, I can dress for you, but I can't change some things that are integrally a part of me, can I? A marriage is two people sharing their lives, understanding each other, and growing independently, and with each other. Two souls, reaching a common goal... of unity and happiness. If there are issues on fundamental attitudes or nature of a person, I believe it is unfair to wish for change; wishing for such changes only brings in bad-will. The only way to go about is to accept the other person for what they are, after all, isn't that what love was all about? As long as there is trust in the relationship, in each other, then acceptance becomes simple, no?

GG: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! I’m home.

It was a cold October evening, Mr. Bernie (our St.Bernard) kept panting profusely throughout the walk and was relieved we were finally home. He had settled by the fireplace lapping up water and munching away the freshly filled bowl of YUM.

Cup of hot tea, warm fireplace, chestnuts in the oven (ones I had picked this evening) and Mr. Bernie by my side. It’s all good so far till the minute I read Mr.HMz blog.

Hmmmm.........OUCH, that hurts. It’s the same old issue-----'FREEDOM'

My first response to the blog was: HUH! I don't have it locked up my attic!

New friends/experiences in the past few months are perhaps the recipe for HM rambling about freedom off late. I wonder if he realizes what he is asking for. HMz mum dint burn his clothes, oh well I did. Had to! We were invited to attend a totally formal event---Indian wedding reception. I wore a salwar; let my hair down, bindi on my forehead and kajal in my eyes. In walks HM in his faded yellow Hawaiian shirt patterned with red flowers, green clouds and blue birds paired with brown cargo shorts! Let’s go? Tell me...all the women out there...would u attend a formal event with your partner dressed this way? I know there will be an odd bunch of readers trying to be on HMz side, but most women would say...gosh he needs to dress to the occasion. That’s exactly what I said, honey would u mind wearing a different shirt, or probably u could keep the shirt but change into pants? For heavens sake, we are attending a wedding in India not in Hawaii!! That's it, trivial argument, but had to go through it. Eventually after 30 mins of arguing, he did change into something semi-formal ;) women have their way to it and I am not letting out my dark secret (girls...ahem...I can see u smirking). In reality I would prefer HM to wear clothes he is comfortable in. If we were out on a walk, he could dress in shorts and the Hawaiian, but not at the wedding. Although in retrospect I should have let him wear the Hawaiian coz he ended up staining the white cotton shirt with a generous smear of turmeric. Hmmm... there is no point grooming a junkie. HM dear I would love to see you smart and well groomed. But please don't take it personally and blame me for hoarding up your freedom.

Adjustments are part of a commitment, but it cannot be quantified or set according to specific guidelines. Adjustments are momentary it just happens; we talk, factor out the argument and come to a conclusion. There are NO rules attached to it. If a marriage is two people sharing their lives and understanding each other then don’t you think ‘adjustment’ is an integral part of it? We are two completely different people bound together on the basis of love and care. You are my alter ego HM.  I accept you as you are, it wouldn’t be fair if I forced you to change.

Why on earth would I want you to change? Honestly, I fell in love with YOU, your personality, your originality, HM the maverick. I knew what I was getting into, I wanted it and that is why I am committed to you. I want you as you are! Acceptance isn’t always SIMPLE. It’s simple and easy for trivial reasons. But when issues go against the integrity of our relationship acceptance is painful. It’s painful to accept a breach in the trust, share your soul mate with another woman (exceptions of mum n sis), to feel defeated when your partner suddenly decides to renounce himself from his duties, when you feel neglected and left alone to face the adversities in life. These are issues pertaining to the nature of a person. It is my duty as your partner to voice my frustration if you are indulging in any of these.  I know you would never hurt my feelings and events in the past are a closed chapter. I TRUST you; however it is pointless on my part to suffer in silence if you keep breaching the integrity of my marriage. If we don’t point out each others flaws how will the two souls reach a common goal—unity and happiness?

Therefore can something as trivial as a dressing to the occasion be classified as me changing your personality? I beg to disagree.

Dinner is ready…..hey wash your hands!